I had two conversations the other day that put me in a different frame of mind. The first was over breakfast with a friend. I shared the struggles with my spiritual life over the last few months. He admonished me that I need to submit to the Lord hour by hour. I nodded my head because I knew all this intellectually. But it didn’t seem to embolden me, cause repentance or increase my understanding of circumstances.

The second conversation came later that afternoon. I got into a long conversation with our project manager. She was concerned I was not happy. She was dogged in trying to unravel the source of my unhappiness. I shared from my point of view, I’ve gotten conflicting missions from our leadership. We have a project that is on hold again and I don’t see things slowing down for us to work on it again. I’m sure when I’m pushing for change and I probably come off as the disgruntled, cranky old guy. I shared I feel a tension. I know we can’t change overnight but I feel like we need to keep pushing for change or else we’ll get complacent.

Because I am hard-headed and dense, the weight of these conversations didn’t hit until the next day. My issues boil down to trust and submission. I understand I was trying to control all the circumstances in my job instead of allowing God to work. I can rant and rave about the need to change and do my level best at being a “change agent”, but unless those I’m trying to affect are willing to change, my work is in vain. My responsibility is to do my job and watch where God is working and then come behind him. Just as with all God’s plans, I don’t know all the details going on in our company. But I was acting as if I did and I knew best.

So I’m in an interesting place. I need to let go of the need to control and battle my pride each day. However, I need to continually pursue the vision put before us and wrestle through when to push and when to rest.

Have you dealt with similar circumstances? What would you do?